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As we embark on a new year, its a great time to reflect on an important question: What is the meaning of life?

Viktor Frankl was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist as well as a Holocaust survivor.  His best-selling book Man’s Search for Meaning chronicles his experiences as a concentration camp inmate, which led him to discover the importance of finding meaning in all forms of existence, even the most brutal ones, and thus, a reason to continue living. He was asked about the meaning of life and he had to think about it as a prisoner of War in WW2.

The greatest task for any person is to find meaning in his or her life. Frankl saw three possible sources for meaning: in work (doing something significant), in love (caring for another person), and in courage during difficult times. Suffering in and of itself is meaningless; we give our suffering meaning by the way in which we respond to it. . . . 

Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation. You cannot control what happens to you in life, but you can always control what you will feel and do about what happens to you.

This brings to mind the words of another thought leader – Wayne Dyer: If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.

Often Trust is a restricted discussion because of what we think it can mean.  Saying “I don’t trust you” seems like character assassination… and it may be… but it may not be.  We all know that the wheels will fall off your bus when trust starts to leave a relationship.  Let’s first define the kind of trust we’re talking about.

Trusting someone with your life is a different level and type of trust than trusting someone to be on time consistently.  Of course there are several levels in between.  First we need to define what level of trust you’re talking about because the wild card is that  “Perception is Reality”.  How people perceive your actions will define whether or not trust has been broken or harmed in some way.  The big question is “how will I know when I’ve violated their perception of trust?”

The simple answer is that you need to get the taboo trust topic up on the table where it can be examined in the light.  Having these conversations before trust is compromised can save the day.  At least two important things happen when this pre-problem conversation occurs.

1. You will create clarity on trust expectations.
2. It now becomes an “OK” team conversation to have.

When I ask teams, couples or individuals if they have talked about trust before there’s a trust issues the answer is almost always “NO”.  Consider talking about the three important aspects of trust:

1. Describe to others how you will act when your in your “Trust Flow State” when trust is high.
2.  Ask for what you need from them to keep trust levels high.
3.  Describe how you may act when trust drops.

Here’s the answers from a senior executive I connected with recently.  He said:

1. I’m direct and to the point and assume trust is in place until something happens.
2. I need others to be direct with me and if there’s a trust issue they need to come to me directly and hash it out even if it’s very difficult to do.
3. When my trust drops I avoid people or issues and start work arounds.  Doesn’t work very well but sorry to say, that’s what I do.

What are your answers?  Is it worth talking to your team about it BEFORE there’s a problem?  If your answer is NO, I’d like to hear why.

With the holiday season approaching, you may have some time to dedicate to a good read.  You can find a list of reading recommendations from Dave on our Resources page. The titles listed are books that Dave has personally read and has taken valuable information, lessons and tips from. In our upcoming posts Dave will share short VLOGs on these titles and what he found most beneficial from the read.

Click here to view the complete list!

The pathway to building trust is not always straight and the level and kind of trust is not always clear. Trust is the corner stone of effective teams, but nobody seems to know how to build it intentionally. You know when you don’t have it and usually know what happened to erode trust.

You can solve this problem before it becomes a problem with three simple questions. Before I tell you what they are I’ll tell you why this will work.

When these kinds of conversations become OK to have, you’ve effectively given your team permission to talk about the tough issues. This is the most important piece of the trust building puzzle… permission.

Ask these three simple questions to your team. One on one is best and then take it into a team setting. You’ll be surprised that people will tell you how they act BEFORE there’s a problem and in doing so, you’ll find out what’s important to them to build team trust. Here are the three questions:

1. How do you act in trusting relationships?
2. What do you need from me to build and maintain trust?
3. How will you act when your level of trust drops?

If you listen well, everything you need to know about building trust with your team will be revealed to you.

Take good notes and respond accordingly.

Different Is Not Wrong…But we often act as though it is!  We each have a hidden belief that everyone is like us and if they’re not… well… they must be wrong.  This little piece of irrationality is alive in all of us.  To get over it, the truth is we need to get over ourselves.

In fact when we quiet our ego to listen, we’ll learn that the perspectives of others can truly enhance our work and our lives.

I have found younger couples tend to marry opposites.  After all, why would we want to marry someone just like us? We would be bored to tears.  However, older couples tend to marry someone who is more alike.  Interestingly, the younger opposites have more nuptial success.

In working teams who all think the same way, I have seen many slow, comfortable… train wrecks!  Getting along with people who are very distinctive and unique in their thinking and actions is the price of admission to high performing teams.

It is this diversity of perspective that brings together required wisdom for strategic business decisions to meet simple business objectives in markets filled with complexity.

Different is not wrong, it’s just different, and I’d say…  better!

This is common, too common.  There are two kinds of offence offered by others.  Intended and unintended.  Usually… no… almost always the offence is unintended.  We need to carefully consider this and ask ourselves the question… why am I being offended when there was actually no intention from the “offending party” to offend me?  It’s a very good question that needs a great deal more exercise in our culture.

Now let’s address the intended offense.  This is the case where someone is intentionally offending you.  Let’s consider the source for a moment.  Is that person speaking or acting from their heart, strengths and common sense or the fear of inadequacy or some sense of lack that they are dealing with.  Usually… no… almost always, it’s the latter.

I actually don’t know anyone who goes around in the world thinking “I wonder who I can offend next”.  They are far more likely thinking “How can I feel better about myself”.  They won’t say that out loud but it’s very likely true.  We all have our places of emptiness that need to be filled and for many reasons we can feel, less than, shamed and alone in the world.  From that place we will act or react in ways, that upon further reflection, we wouldn’t be proud of.  Sorry to say we all do it including this “offending party”.

When we look back and think clearly and carefully about the reasons that we are offended by others, they almost always slowly slip away and we are left with the obvious conclusion.  “We get to choose whether to be offended or not”.

And if all that’s not bad enough this great offence we’ve allowed is probably more about how we are feeling about ourselves and not how someone has acted toward us.

Grace or unmerited favour towards ourselves and others may be a good place to start. Authentic curiosity about their offending behaviour may be the next helpful step towards reconciliation.  Consider if this is possible for you.