Dave Phillips

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Freedom Prison

We all want Freedom… right? Well how much is too much? We live in a culture obsessed with freedom of every kind. All of the limitations imposed in our past by culture, religion, family and friends are fading away leaving an increasing epidemic of freedom.

We have what feels like unlimited choice of everything from clothes to cars. There are even 31 flavors of Ice Cream to deal with (and many more if you look). Do you struggle over making choices because there are too many? Think about the menus in many restaurants where you’ve got 10 pages or more of choices. Where do you start and what do you pick?

Henry Ford said “Our customers can have their car in any color they want as long as that’s black”. Choices were easier long ago because we didn’t have as many. Now they’re unlimited and how do we manage that.

A young woman looked up to her mentor recently and said, “so are you saying that I don’t have to do everything I want to do?” She had grown up feeling that freedom of choice was a virtue and found it to be a vice.

She was locked up in “Freedom Prison”, paralyzed by too much choice. Her increasingly frantic efforts left her with a declining sense of satisfaction. All the activities and possessions that promised unlimited satisfaction proved to be a hoax.

There is a certain amount of discipline that will actually increase your freedom. For example, restricting calories manages weight. Getting to bed on time gives you energy the following day. Limiting spending helps keep on track with financial goals. I think you get the idea. This list is endless.

Where have you gotten locked in to Freedom Prison and what choices could you make to get out? Here’s the crazy thing! Most of us know the answer to this question and even know how to do it… but we choose too much freedom that ends up as Churchill said… first a mistress, then a master and finally a tyrant!

What simple disciplines could you put in to place today that will unlock the bars of Freedom Prison, so you can move towards the things that are most important in your life?

Here’s the simple principle:

balanced discipline… increases personal freedom

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Collaborative Conflict

Most people don’t really believe this is possible… but it is. In fact it’s a necessary, even critical part of effective team dynamics. In Adam Grant’s book “Originals” he speaks with Ray Dalio at Bridgewater, which is one of the worlds largest investment houses. Dalio invites constructive conflict and in fact he requires it at every level in his organization.

Ask yourself the question, do I just want solutions from my people or do I want engaging discussion from every team member?   A well-known Vancouver Businessman, Jimmy Pattison, once said “you hire them for what they can get done from the neck down so you may as well use what they’ve got from the neck up.”

This calls into question the way you lead and your ability to be curious and collaborative, always inviting the best ideas, which sometimes creates conflict. If people come to you for the answer to every question because they know you just want your own way, you teach them to be helpless. If you let them do whatever they want, you become helpless.

Generating truthful, frank and productive discussion can start with a few simple questions about HOW you’ll do this. Here’s some suggestions to set the stage.

Tell your team or any member about HOW you like to solve problems. Tell them about your style and what works best for you. Tell them that if you offend them in some way with your style to find a way to bring it up… you may have to give them suggestions.

Next, ask them how they best like to solve problems and their preferred style, and if they offend you… mention that you’ll find a way to bring it up with them. Do this with each team member and consider doing it as a group. It doesn’t take long but this is the kind of discussion that will get your best ideas from those quiet thoughtful people at the back of the room… they often have GREAT ideas.

This simple process, talking about HOW you address collaborative conflict, will be a powerful step in the right direction.

Looking for solutions for conflict management? The Birkman Method can be used in all aspects of team growth and change. Specific examples of how we can support you and your organization:
  • Conflict Resolution/Difficult Conversation
  • Boundary Disputes
  • Changement Management
For more info on the work we do with conflict resolution and change management, click here. 

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Character: This is who we are when no one is looking

This is who we are when no one is looking. Let’s start with what’s going on inside your head? Only you can listen to your inner voice. No one else can hear it… but if they could what would they say. In fact if you were watching yourself like a fly on the wall, I wonder if you would consider changing your words to others or your behavior towards them.

Research says we speak to ourselves at a rate of 150-300 words per minute and about 70% of this self-talk is negative and self defeating. The worse we feel about ourselves the worse we speak to others. Often the beginning of this journey starts with a thought. Stephen Covey said:

“Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.”

If we don’t process our pain we project it on to others and the world around us. Our personal pain turns in to painful thoughts that turn into regrettable actions, that can lead to bad habits creating a character that is not who we want to become. If so much of life starts with our thoughts, then this is perhaps the most important starting place to consider.

So here’s a “Life Hack” for you and a central place to start with building the kind of character you’d like. It’s gratefulness. You can’t be grateful and fearful at the same time. The more we think about being grateful the more positive, affirming and loving we will be towards others and ourselves. Consistent grateful thoughts convert to more positive action that will become more regular actions that create a more predictable character moving us towards our chosen hope filled destiny.

It starts with a grateful thought and gets better from there. In the next blog you’ll read about a life changing gratefulness exercise.

I’m grateful you read this far and hopeful it will be helpful… hmmm… does gratefulness lead to hope… if that’s true then where else could it take us? Perhaps to the very character of who we want to be.