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vancouver conflict resolution

October 2, 2018 by dpadmin Leave a Comment

It’s not about the “WHAT”!

WHAT we say is almost never the problem but rather HOW we say it.  I have been through this hundreds of times where conflict is created not just by the subject but mostly by the delivery.  Words are absolutely important I agree, however, it’s largely our conviction and intention expressed through tone of voice, facial expression, and body language that gets the message across.  If all of that doesn’t match our words we won’t be very believable, and could be seen as insincere or even dishonest.

HOW we say things usually comes from what we learned growing up.  In an effort to be sincere many will default to “The Golden Rule – Treat others the way you’d like to be treated”.  You’ve probably heard this most of your life.  I’m here to say STOP THAT as soon as you can.  The Golden rule can get you into tons of trouble.  If you treat most people the way you’d like to be treated it can be a recipe for disaster because we all need something different.

Different is not wrong it’s just different!

I was with a business leader earlier today from a boisterous, loud family of challengers.  When his wife was first introduced to this at a family dinner… she was HORRIFIED!!  “Why does your family yell so much and confront one another.  That seems so disrespectful” she said.  This business leader asked “what do you mean, we were just talking”.  I’ll bet you can guess some of the challenges they had in their marriage.

He raised his voice thinking they were just talking (his golden rule) and she withdrew thinking they were fighting (her golden rule).

Let’s try the Platinum Rule: 

Treat others the way THEY would like to be treated.

Our leader friend above finally asked his wife HOW she’d like to be spoken to and she did the same to him.  Things have been better now that they know and do their best to adapt to their spouses communication style using “The Platinum Rule”.

Give this a try.  I think you’ll be delighted with the results both at home and at the office.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: ceocoach, ceomentor, conflict management, conflict resolution, golden rule, motivation, platinumrule, vancouver conflict resolution

September 25, 2018 by dpadmin Leave a Comment

Collaborative Conflict

Most people don’t really believe this is possible… but it is. In fact it’s a necessary, even critical part of effective team dynamics. In Adam Grant’s book “Originals” he speaks with Ray Dalio at Bridgewater, which is one of the worlds largest investment houses. Dalio invites constructive conflict and in fact he requires it at every level in his organization.

Ask yourself the question, do I just want solutions from my people or do I want engaging discussion from every team member?   A well-known Vancouver Businessman, Jimmy Pattison, once said “you hire them for what they can get done from the neck down so you may as well use what they’ve got from the neck up.”

This calls into question the way you lead and your ability to be curious and collaborative, always inviting the best ideas, which sometimes creates conflict. If people come to you for the answer to every question because they know you just want your own way, you teach them to be helpless. If you let them do whatever they want, you become helpless.

Generating truthful, frank and productive discussion can start with a few simple questions about HOW you’ll do this. Here’s some suggestions to set the stage.

Tell your team or any member about HOW you like to solve problems. Tell them about your style and what works best for you. Tell them that if you offend them in some way with your style to find a way to bring it up… you may have to give them suggestions.

Next, ask them how they best like to solve problems and their preferred style, and if they offend you… mention that you’ll find a way to bring it up with them. Do this with each team member and consider doing it as a group. It doesn’t take long but this is the kind of discussion that will get your best ideas from those quiet thoughtful people at the back of the room… they often have GREAT ideas.

This simple process, talking about HOW you address collaborative conflict, will be a powerful step in the right direction.

Looking for solutions for conflict management? The Birkman Method can be used in all aspects of team growth and change. Specific examples of how we can support you and your organization:
  • Conflict Resolution/Difficult Conversation
  • Boundary Disputes
  • Changement Management
For more info on the work we do with conflict resolution and change management, click here. 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: ceocoach, ceomentor, change management, character, conflict resolution, davephillips, integrity, lifecoach, lifehack, lifeofpurpose, purposepathway, vancouver conflict resolution

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Dave is an experienced executive mentor and speaker for high performance CEO’s and business leaders across North America. His work covers topics ranging from the boardroom to the bedroom in some of the most challenging and even troubling areas of the leaders life.

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Dave_Phillips9Dave Phillips@Dave_Phillips9·
29 Dec 2018

Just Posted #Blog - What is the meaning of life?
With the new year just around the corner, lets take a moment to consider this question.
https://buff.ly/2qHAByT

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Dave_Phillips9Dave Phillips@Dave_Phillips9·
19 Dec 2018

New Blog Post: The Taboo Team Topic Is About Trust
"Is it worth talking to your team about it BEFORE there’s a problem?"
https://buff.ly/2DoJqG3

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Dave_Phillips9Dave Phillips@Dave_Phillips9·
17 Dec 2018

#MotivationMonday

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Dave_Phillips9Dave Phillips@Dave_Phillips9·
11 Dec 2018

Looking for a good book to read this holiday season? We have a list of books on the "Resource" section of our website that are great reads with very valuable information on leadership, habits and effective teams.
https://buff.ly/2E4p9WC

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Dave_Phillips9Dave Phillips@Dave_Phillips9·
10 Dec 2018

#MotivationMonday

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